Nowadays we have more awareness about the differences between love and emotional dependence. Lately most of the studies had been throwing more and more arguments supporting that emotional dependence is related to personal characteristics, such as low self esteem and self-concept. In this article what we want to show how myths of love are regularly confused with “real love” when they are in fact connected to emotional dependence. This is a really important topic for our society, especially among young people who start to have their first steps in love.
Signs of emotional dependency:
- Projecting onto your partner how you want him/her to be rather than considering how he/she really is. Usually we don’t realize when this starts to happen because is more common than we could imagine. Is something that is deep in the roots of how society perceives love. It’s a mistake that the only thing we could do to fix is to be aware and raise our consciousness about this topic.
- In the relation being primarily focused on how your partner treats you.
The problem is that we usually observe how the partner treats us and ignore the way we treat them back. The society teaches us that it´s a must to be treated with some kind of actions in order to conclude that we´re loved. Always focusing on what we need to receive instead of what we have to offer makes us having an emotional dependence that it´s not healthy at all.
- Making your partner responsible for your happiness.
Taking personal responsibility means not blaming others for your unhappiness. It means figuring out ways in which you can be happy despite others behavior and despite the external circumstances. Remember that your own happiness depends only about your own attitude. If you want to take personal responsibility for your own happiness, is to do something that might sound illogical: to have faith and adopt the surrender mindset.
- Have a list of expectations that your partner has to fulfill in order for you to feel loved and safe.
Of course we always have expectation about everything in our life, but what’s also true is that in our relationship we have to keep those expectation close to reality. What’s more important is that even though sometimes our partner may not know how to fulfill our expectation, we should still be able to fill loved and saved. Because those feelings shouldn’t be attached to characteristics of our couple. We have to understand that people could change as you can change.
- Feeling empty inside if your partner is not with you giving the attention and approval that you don´t give to yourself.
This is one of the science that is closely related to the self-esteem, because when you have a low self-esteem you don’t believe in yourself, so you look for this support in a couple. Even though it sounds so obvious is another mistake, is really easy to fall into this as we all need support and a partner is usually our favorite person so it feels really good to be approved and supported by our couples, but we should understand is that is not their job to make us feel better. It’s something we need to work on in order to feel happier.
- Being terrified about losing your partner. When it comes to all the things we worry ourselves about in relationship, we are much more resilient than we think. We can handle the hurts and rejection that we so fear. It can rouse serious sells of anxiety. If you ask yourself how to overcome this fear, you should keep in mind only one simple technique along with quiet breathing. The whole idea of deep breathing will help you with the mismatch of scaring yourself as much as possible, while doing your best to act as relaxed as possible.
As we already mentioned this topic is important to raise the awareness, if we have the abilities to detect we will be able to avoid toxic relationship and we will love a happier and healthy love which is always our aim when we look for a partner. Hopefully our tips and suggestions could have reused some thoughts about how to construct a healthier relationship. Also with this we hope you could work on your skills to help a friend or someone that you know that could be going through a toxic relationship.
At the end as we already talked about it, it is really important to catch those situations. In the beginning so we don’t get to any extreme points where things could be harder to fix.
Authors: Ionela Costin, Valeria Babin, Irina Petruca, Maria Ortega Baena, Anna Christou, Waleria Shults, Joana Porcel